In contrast, the ability to tell convincing lies is rated no better than the ability of others (Ekman & O’Sullivan, 1991 Elaad, 2019). ![]() Studies on self-assessed lie- and truth-related abilities have shown that people tend to rate themselves highly on the ability to tell the truth convincingly. ![]() ![]() People also appreciate truth-telling and feel that their ability to tell the truth convincingly is more important than their ability to tell lies, detect lies or believe truthful messages. Finally, time pressure was found to interfere with lying but not with truth-telling (Capraro, 2017). Furthermore, when distracted by a demanding memory task, people tended to lie less frequently than when the distracting task was less demanding (Van’t Veer, Stel, & Van Beest, 2014). Further support for truth-telling dominance comes from reaction time studies that found faster reactions when people were instructed to tell the truth than when they were instructed to tell lies (Suchotzki, Verschuere, Van Bockstaele, Ben-Shakhar, & Crombez, 2017). Accordingly, people tend to believe that while their truths shine through, lies are easily detected (Vrij, 2008). It suggests that people tend to think or feel that their emotions are obvious to other people. The ‘illusion of transparency’ (Gilovich, Savitsky, & Medvec, 1998) contributes another explanation for truth-telling dominance. Hence, it is to be expected that difficult lies and simple truths are more available than easily formulated lies or difficult-to-discern truths (DePaulo et al., 2003). Specifically, telling a lie is believed to be a difficult task whereas telling the truth is believed to be a simple matter of ‘telling it like it is’ (Buller & Burgoon, 1996). “However, this may not always be easy to do, if the person is a family member or coworker, for instance,” says Daramus.The cognitive theory of lying suggests that truth-telling is the dominant intuitive response because lying is more complex and requires exertion of additional cognitive effort (Vrij, Fisher, Mann, & Leal, 2006). End the relationship: If you are unable to cope with the person’s lies, you can end your relationship with them.If they don’t have a lot of insight or willingness to change, you might have to set boundaries with yourself about how much you'll give to that relationship,” says Daramus. Set boundaries: “It's important to set boundaries in your relationship with the person, to protect yourself.Actions don't lie, and over time you'll spot patterns that will help you predict their future behavior,” says Daramus. Pay attention to their actions: As it can be difficult to trust the words of a person who lies pathologically, “one of the most effective things you can do is read the person’s actions.If you’re upset, let them know that you don’t want to interact with them if they’re not being honest with you. Expect resistance: When you confront the person about their lies, they may deny it or respond with more lies.Avoid being judgmental instead, let them know that you’re concerned about them. Suggest treatment: Suggest that the person seek mental health treatment for their condition and offer whatever resources and support that you can.They may even have underlying mental health conditions that are motivating their behavior. Know that it’s not personal: While it can certainly be hard not to take it personally, it’s important to remember that a person who lies pathologically may not necessarily be aware of it or intend to do it.
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